You may find this hard to believe, but when it comes to describing this years Qualcomm’s CES keynote, I’m at an almost complete loss for words. I’ve been sitting here frantically trying to string together something that does the clip justice, but I’ve realized something… it’s almost impossible. It’s the type of video that’s so bad you have to see it to believe it.
Let me repeat once more, this is going to be painful. If you manage to make it past the 25 second mark, then you’ll be in the big leagues of internet badassery for surviving, mind intact – or not intact, as is more likely the case – the monstrosity that is this keynote.
Steve Ballmer, The Idiot Leader of “Generation M”
I’m willing to say objectively here that absolutely every single aspect of this presentation was terrible, from the over the over the top, heinously obnoxious acting, to the constant attempts at pounding this “born mobile” generation M bullshit into our skulls. The imagery was weak, people talked over each other (especially that idiot Steve Ballmer), and it seems that the team that put this together just made every effort to make the presentation as pointless and convoluted as possible. Guillermo Del Toro? Sure, why not? Big Bird? You bet… bring them all out!
What I Learned About “The Mobile Generation”
Today I learned that the more stupid a concept (such as “Generation M”) the harder the creator of said stupid concept will try and cram it down people’s throats. If it were a good idea, then people would like it anyway, and there would be no throat fucking required. We get it Steve, Generation M… we’re all born with smartphones in our hands and nicknames like Volcano92 assigned to us at birth. Honestly, what the fuck? I’m still reeling from the effects of this crap.
In conclusion, Steve Ballmer… what the hell were you thinking? I’m pinning the blame squarely on you here.
