First Date Sex – to Wait, or Not to Wait

That is the question. First-date sex is one of those things you’re always hoping for but don’t always get, and it’s as likely to ruin things as it is to kick-start a new relationship. If your intention is only for the momentary gain, then proceed bravely forward, but if you think this girl could be one you want to try for something long-term with, consider keeping it in your pants (I know, it’s a terrifying thought.) It’s especially tough because first dates bring nerves, and insecurity breeds highballs; you get further into the night and further into your cups, and suddenly you’re standing at the precipice of asking to take her home. You’re feeling invincible because the sexual tension in the air is so thick you’ll be cushioned a mile above the ground, and you’ll sink happily into bedded bliss. Before you jump off that cliff, here are a few reasons why you should hold off on pressing first-date happy endings to set yourself up for even greater rewards.

What’s in it for her:

It’s likely that if you’re hoping for a real relationship with this girl, you actually give a crap about what she thinks, and that sex -while tantamount- is likely a delicious side dish to the fulfilling main of emotional connection.  Sometimes men lose sight of the fact that women are as ready to throw caution to the wind for a wild hookup as they are. Regardless, there are a slew of reasons why holding off sex, even for that first date, is actually something that can set you up for greater future success and will actually make her feel better about you and the relationship. (This is provided you don’t blow her off horrifically or act like you are scared of her lady bits or something.)

• Every woman wants to be wanted, but every woman wants to be respected. This is one of those things that is a very thin line to tread- we want to know that we’re so sexy you want to tear our clothes off immediately, but if we want to be in a relationship with you, we also want you to look at us as a woman, and not simply a piece of meat. It’s contrary and a bit silly, but I’ve known men who have started feeling neglected after only being used for sex, so let’s be adults and agree this is something that everyone wants. Waiting on first date sex doesn’t mean acting like a passionless prude- it means showing that with or without sex, she’s someone you’re deeply interested in and that you respect. Enough respect that you’ll wait for one more date before you ravish her in any number of depraved ways.
• If you’re so eager to have sex immediately, it shows you think she’s easy. Just like the respect issue, rushing her off to the bedroom can imply that she’s a slut, and you’re dating her for exactly this purpose. You may not actually feel this way, but if you can hold off on riding her like a drunken prom date, she’ll feel better about herself… and about you. As unimaginable as it may seem, we look down on man-sluts too; if you want to date her, being a he-whore is an undesirable trait, so you’re helping yourself along.
• We like to have to work a bit. Though having men falling all over you is nice, we still want a bit of a challenge. The saying “Nice guys finish last” was coined for a reason, and it works both ways. How many times, as a guy, do you find yourself hopelessly crushing on a girl who isn’t into you and ignoring the one who’s desperate to get your attention? And how many times do you despair that girls fall for aloof bad boys over decent chaps like yourself? It’s not about being a dick but extending that period of playful sexual banter where both of you are experiencing that initial thrill. Do yourself (and her) a favor, and enjoy this first little bit of the chase. If you’re considering a relationship, it’s safe to say there’s a lot more to come.

What’s in it for you:

Outside of the previous reasons we’ve mentioned, there are even more that relate to you directly. If you are hoping this girl will fall into the role of your girlfriend, there are a few more selfish reasons you should try waiting on first-date sex.

• Avoid sex ADD. These days sexual gratification is easy. There’s porn whenever you want it, and dating protocols have changed; remember, having sex on the first date wasn’t always an acceptable dilemma. If you wait, both of you are going to want it more, and the anticipation is going to heighten your first experience. There’s nothing more damning than finding someone you are emotionally compatible with and finding the sex to be unexciting.  Make it more likely that you’ll be riveted by the sex by taking a little bit longer to getting on it, and you’ll likely find that you perceive the sex on the whole (laugh it up) will be a lot more rewarding.
• Don’t metaphorically blow your load. Doing it physically might sink your emotional connection. Part of forging a relationship is getting to know someone and the satisfaction of the afterglow may actually leave you in the period where you just want to roll over and go to sleep. Even if you are really interested in dating, having sex right away may instinctively make you a little lazy about learning about the rest of her as intimately as her body. Get to know her a bit first, and it’s likely you’ll learn other things that will keep you interested in between romps.
• Find out what she wants. And I don’t mean in the sack; unfortunately, there are girls out there who only want a hook up too, and it’s going to wreck you to get fucked by someone when you’ve got your sights set on a relationship. That being said, there’s the other side of the spectrum to consider, and while it’s unpleasant, it’s necessary. Taking the little bit of extra time allows you to figure out if this girl is nuts, and you’ve just managed to miss it thus far in the process of actually getting her to go out on a date with you. A lot of girls see sex as the final jewel in the formal relationship crown, so holding off a date or two can mean not ‘committing’ to an insane relationship because you got so excited you jumped straight in, penis first.

While it may seem counterintuitive to get ‘finished,’ holding off sex on the first date can make the unfinished man into a gentleman- if you’re hoping for a real relationship with a girl, taking the extra time may be the best thing you’ve ever done. Letting the chemistry you have now simmer and build is setting you up for an earth-shaking explosion later.