My Sexless Marriage is Killing Me – But it Doesn’t Have To

Relationships are hard. Marriage is even harder. Trying to keep the passion alive in a long-term relationship can feel impossible at times. If you’ve found yourself in a sexless marriage, you’re not alone. Many couples experience ebbs and flows when it comes to their sex life. But when the dry spells last months or even years, it can really do a number on your self-esteem, mental health, and overall happiness.

Don’t Suffer in Silence

When you realize you’re in a sexless marriage, it’s tempting to suffer in silence. You may feel embarrassed, inadequate, or hopeless about the situation. But suffering silently only breeds more resentment and disconnect. If you want things to change, you have to be willing to take the first step and start an open, honest dialogue with your partner.

Approach the conversation gently and try not to assign blame. Use “I feel…” statements to explain how the lack of physical intimacy makes you feel. Ask your partner how they’ve been feeling about your sex life and if there are any obstacles from their end. Be prepared to really listen. The goal is to get to the root of the issue together, not prove who’s right or wrong.

Explore the Reasons Behind the Slowdown

There are many reasons couples experience a sexual slowdown, including:

• Physical issues – Low libido, erectile dysfunction, pain during sex, and other medical problems can interfere with the desire for sex. See a doctor to rule out any underlying conditions.
• Emotional disconnect – Unresolved conflicts, lack of communication, and drifting apart emotionally can diminish sexual chemistry. Work on emotional intimacy through daily check-ins, date nights, and couples counseling.
• Stress and exhaustion – When life gets overwhelmingly busy, sex often drops off the priority list. Make time to relax, unwind, and recharge together. Say no to extra obligations.
• Insecurity and body image issues – If one or both partners has gained weight or feel self-conscious, it can really dampen sexual confidence. Compliment each other more and focus on body positivity.
• Boredom – Doing the same routine over and over can make sex feel stale. Mix things up by trying new positions, locations, toys, and fantasies.
• Mismatched libidos – Everyone has different sexual appetites that ebb and flow. Don’t take it personally. Intimacy can still be achieved through compromise.

Revive Your Sex Life

Once you’ve identified potential roadblocks, it’s time to actively resuscitate your sex life. Here are some tips:

• Take a sex quiz – A great way to open up the conversation about intimacy is to have both partners take a sex quiz like thatsexquiz.com. Comparing your results can help you learn about each other’s hidden turn-ons, fantasies, and sexual compatibility.
• Schedule sex – It may sound unsexy, but planning intimate time on the calendar can help ensure it happens. Sexual anticipation can build desire.
• Initiate flirting – Exchange flirty texts and compliments to build sexual tension. Surprise your partner with romantic gestures like a home-cooked meal or massage.
• Make sex a priority – Treat intimacy like any other important activity. Don’t let it fall by the wayside.
• Try new things – Go on sexual adventures together, like role-playing, toys, new positions, or even ethical non-monogamy (if you both enthusiastically consent).
• Focus on overall connection – Don’t obsess over sex. Spend quality time together doing activities you enjoy. Emotional intimacy leads to physical intimacy.
• See a sex therapist – If you’re still struggling to reconnect, a sex therapist can give you tools to improve sexual communication and increase understanding.

Don’t Suffer Through a Sexless Marriage

A sexless marriage can make you feel depressed, worthless, and trapped. But don’t just accept it as your fate. With communication, effort, and professional help if needed, you can revive your sex life and build an even stronger relationship with your partner.

Prioritize intimacy. You both deserve to have your sexual needs met, even after years of monogamy. The flames may have dwindled, but with care, they can be stoked once again.

Life is short. Don’t waste it feeling disconnected from the person you pledged your life to. Rekindle your passion and finally have the mind-blowing sex you’ve been missing!