Money is one of those things that’s guaranteed to strain relationships; financials between friends can get hairy, so how do you even approach who pays for what with the girl you’re seeing? In today’s world, there are generally three attitudes women have about who’s picking up the tab, and three possible outcomes. Some girls expect a man to pay all the time, and some girls want to buy all the time; since you won’t always find a girl who wants to split everything perfectly 50/50, our handy strategy guide will help you decide when you should pick up the bill like the finished man you strive to be without looking like a cheapskate or a jerk.
What Women Want – A Disclaimer
These days, it’s hard to know what type of girl you’re dating right off the bat- you may feel like you’re guaranteed to get screwed either way. If your girl is putting extreme pressure on you to pay (or to let her pay,) just go with it. If it’s a few times, she may have her reasons- as weird as they may be- and it’s just not worth getting worked up about. Just make sure you file away the amount of times that it happens- if she’s forcing every bill that comes up, it’s time to reevaluate. If you’re left feeling it’s unfair, don’t let her roll over on you.
When YOU Should Pay
- You asked her out. Especially for first dates, but for any casual situation, the general rule of thumb should be “who asked who?” Make sure you have enough to cover the full tab, even if you anticipate she’ll want to kick in. First impressions are king; we’re not suggesting you try to give her the idea that you’re rich, but you want to convey to her that you’re established enough to take care of things and that you’re genuinely interested in her.
- Special Occasions. If you’re going out for a birthday, anniversary, or taking her out because she got a promotion, it’s likely you asked her- so draw on our main rule of thumb here. Besides, one of the most lasting impressions you can make for one of these special evenings is to say, “This one’s on me” followed by telling her how proud you are of her, how you want her to have a happy birthday, or that the sex was especially good just before you came to dinner. (You probably shouldn’t actually say that last one.) In these situations, it’s also good practice to not show her the bill at all; you’ll appear classy and thoughtful, and underlining that this is something you want to do for her. Don’t make a big deal of how much it costs (or doesn’t!) as you end up looking like a jerk.
When SHE Should Pay
- She asked you out. These days, this isn’t an uncommon situation, and it isn’t weird to let her pick up the tab. There’s no reason to feel emasculated by this, provided you aren’t relying on her to pick up all your checks. If she’s giving you the evil eye over the bill when she asked you out and not making any move to pick it up, then you may want to suggest splitting it- there’s a good chance she’s a “pay for me” type of girl.
- On your birthday. Dude, it’s your birthday. Even if you don’t care, or don’t celebrate it a lot, take the meal and the gesture. It’s going to make her feel good to do something nice for you, and a free meal or outing isn’t going to make you feel shitty, so suck it up.
- If she’s super insistent on picking up the tab, let her. If she’s really set her mind to it, there’s no point in arguing over it- if you have to get in something to make you feel like a big man, point out later that you’d like the next one to be on you.
When You SPLIT It
- Unless there’s a Sugar Daddy/Momma vibe going on, if you’re a steady couple, split the bill. At this point in your relationship, most things should come out in the wash, and you should already know a bit about each others finances. Since it’s pretty likely that anything you buy will effect her money situation, or vice versa, there’s no point in being fussy about it.
- If you talk about it up front. If you’re 100% sure you want to split the bill for the night (or she seems like she might want to) don’t leave it until the awkward moment the check arrives. Instead, on the way in, offer up a compromise- try: “How about I grab dinner, and you can pay for the movies later on?” There’s nothing wrong with asking “How do you want to handle the bill tonight?” as you’re planning the evening.
There’s still no standardized right or wrong way to decide who’s covering the tab for an evening, but with this guide you can make the most of your money, and your gentlemanly ways. Always remember to go with the flow, and don’t let money become an issue that can ruin a good night or potential relationship. Remember to always bring enough to cover the full date, just in case- just make sure that you don’t get taken advantage of… or do the taking.
