Yeah, you’re right that is a tough one. You’ve been with lots of girls but are always coming up with some reason why the girl you’re dating is not “the one.” Are you chasing an illusion that will forever be dangled in front of you or are you nobly waiting for your true companion?
A Shift in The Selection Process
In our 20s, our criterion for who we dated was straightforward and simple. Who is the hottest girl I can get to sleep with me? Period. That doesn’t require much strategizing or contemplation and is fun for a while.
Eventually, that gets old (hopefully) and we start to look for character and shared values in the women we spend our time with. We want intellectual stimulation, sense of humor and most importantly some one that just “gets it” and if we’re really lucky, gets us.
This is a huge paradigm shift for us and nothing short of a man’s coming of age. We’ve realized that there are tons of hot girls in this Universe but only a select few that we really want to spend our time with and get excited to see.
Man Hands Syndrome
We set out on our new course of finding the woman who is both physically attractive and scratches our intellectual and emotional itches too (yes guys, it’s ok to admit to yourself that you have emotional needs…just don’t admit it to your buddies). As this journey ensues, the finer exploration of personality and character makes us ultra sensitive to any faults that show themselves in our next potential partner.
Any little flare up or sign of imperfection becomes an excuse to bail. Jerry Seinfeld made a career out of highlighting this obsessive behavior with his references to her “close talking” or that she “eats her peas one at a time.”
What has become of us?
She’d Be A Great Mother and Wife
Who thought we’d ever be considering this notion? But…here we are thinking about a woman’s potential to mother our children. We start to really value her patience, ability to love, stability, career success and ability to contribute to a shared income. All of these things that never crossed the 20-something version of our keg stand soaked mind suddenly invade our psyche.
These are all very mature and reasonable things to consider but do these qualities come at the cost of the physical attraction and mind blowing sex that we thrive off of? Do we end up choosing a woman who makes a good Mom who may hate the hobbies or interests we love?
The Answer
I have always contended that being a mature man is realizing that we are all a collection of great qualities and some not so great qualities. Finding your ideal woman involves understanding your own imperfections and realizing that the “perfect woman” free of flaws does not exist.
However, that doesn’t mean settling should be a part of your mindset. If someone doesn’t make you feel better than you do when you’re not with them, than you simply don’t need them in your life. It’s not enough for her to just be stable or just be a good person. There has to be that unmistakable connection and a shared sense of the world, sense of humor and what you want out of life. The rest is negotiable, but those key components are worth waiting for.
