Are the only guy friends you have left to hang with of the “man-whore” variety? While they may be more than willing to share their dating advice with you (even when you’re not asking for it), we’ll examine in this article why those dating tips may not be of much value and what you need to watch out for.
Man-Whore Defined
Before we discuss the dangers of following a man-whore’s dating advice we must define who he is. The man-whore is the guy who is eternally chasing women and approaches the process like a lion hunting a wildebeest. He derives no satisfaction from a casual night at a dive bar because there’s no prey to be hunted. He never stays in on a Friday night ostensibly because he loves to be out, but truthfully because the prospect of being alone with his own thoughts is the most frightening thing imaginable. He’s a player, a hunter and convinced that the one man, one woman relationship is outdated. He will talk to every girl in the bar and go down swinging without any hesitation until he finds someone to sleep with him (no matter the quality, connection or sobriety level). He’s usually at least 10-15 years older than most of the girls at the club and is oblivious to the 22 year olds snickering at his ridiculousness.
It’s important to distinguish the man-whore from the chick magnet. While the man-whore and chick magnet both love the company of women, the chick magnet draws them with his presence and his genuine fun confident air rather than his desperate and frequent pleas. The chick magnet genuinely loves meeting people, fun conversation and enjoying company as a part of who he is rather than what defines him.
The two male characters introduced are VERY different. I advocate highly being the chick magnet to all of my clients. In spite of what most women think, it is entirely possible to date and even have sex with multiple women without being a man-whore as long as you are truthful about it with everyone involved and are simply enjoying the deck that’s been dealt to you. Relationship minded men should still enjoy dating and all the fruits that tend to result from it…but must never lose sight of their ultimate goal of finding that one amazing person and getting off the dating carousel when she arrives. I digress… let’s get back to why the male-whore’s advice blows.
He Will Always Make It Her Fault
Every burgeoning relationship has issues that need to be worked out. As I’ve written in many of my articles here at the Unfinsihed Man, no one arrives at a relationship in perfect immaculate shape. Both men and women bring their own experiences, family backgrounds and baggage to a relationship. The key to success in dating is understanding your own imperfections as well as that of the person you are dating and being prepared to accept your significant other for the collection of great and not so great characteristics she embodies.
At the first sight of anything that might be a little strange or a bit off that the girl you’re dating shows, the male-whore will dismiss her. He’ll say “that bitch is crazy” and “you need to shut that down.” The male-whore’s game plan is to run at the first sign of any problem. He has low self esteem and no awareness that he has issues. He will always project his issues on the girl and suggest you do the same. He’ll never advocate you work with through conflict. His answer is always to bail.
For this reason, if you follow the male-whore’s “nail and bail” strategy, you’ll never develop self awareness, will always blame others for what may be partially your issue and will likely end up lonely and rolling up to the club when you’re 70 (literally because you’ll be in a wheelchair) with your male-whore buddy trying to buy 22 year old girls apple martinis. Is that what you want?
He’s Lonely
The male-whore is trying to fill the vacuum of his life with a never ending trail of physical gratification. Look, I’m not going to tell you that sex with a variety of women isn’t fun. It is and any guy who argues otherwise is just not capable of attaining that. However, life is truly about making a real connection with another human being. Not to get all sappy on you, my beloved readers, but truly connecting with a woman who blows your mind and thinks you (after getting to really know you) are the greatest thing since sliced bread is still the best thing going.
The male-whore has no desire to let a woman in and will always suggest you take action that puts your woman “in her place” or creates a “safe” distance from you. While I’m not suggesting by any stretch that you should become a wussy and that you fail to continue to be the independent man whom she was attracted to in the first place, it’s nice to gradually let the woman you are dating into your world. There’s also no stronger means of keeping her interested and intrigued by you than to organically and slowly allow her into your life.
The male-whore will resist this ‘til his death. His unhealthy objectification of women is not going to serve you. A healthy respect for women combined with a strong male self esteem is truly the one-two punch you want to pursue dating with.
He’s Going to Sabotage You
The male-whore will make you think it’s all about his buddies and he’s got your back, but don’t be fooled. It’s really all about him. He will ditch you anytime, anywhere, if he sees an opportunity to pounce on his prey. The male-whore is always singularly focused on his own objectives.
If you meet someone that may end up being a potential relationship or maybe even wife, the man-whore will do everything in his power to screw it up for you. If you are no longer available to run with and go to the all clubs that none of your other friends want to bother with, he loses his power. He needs you to play the foil to his player role.
The male-whore is delusional and when you leave him for the company of a woman who you truly enjoy he’s forced to face the wreckage of his true life. Again, he will do anything in his power to bring you down and will impose his altered reality and perspective on you “wimping out” for a relationship with his last dying breath.
To bring it all home, this article is not about being a girly man or failing to maintain your independence and confidence when you are dating. However, if you have some male-whore guy friends in your life it’s important for you to evaluate what their motivations are and if you want to end up like them.
Dating can be a series of false starts, hiccups and challenging situations. Use the journey as an opportunity to learn about yourself and step you closer to the person you want to be with.
Ha! I love this! It is totally true. I feel most men understand who their man whore friends are and tend not to take advice from them which makes me wonder why the friend thinks they are such great advice! I can only imagine whats going on in their heads to think their pick up lines and fantastic advice (sarcasm) actually work! At least this lays out what to watch out for incase you don’t know who your man whore friends are.
That guy has ruined so many of my relationships! I of course realize the irony of placing a failed relationship on another person, but it does seem that every group of guys has one of these mucking things up for cool girls. These guys who follow the man-whore run at any sign of commitment or care, they balk at intimacy and cower or worse, run at the slightest indication of dissatisfaction. Thank you for setting them straight!