Hitman: Absolution – The Return of David Bateson!

I’m so excited about this news, that I actually put an exclamation point in the title. That’s how you know it’s serious business.

As you may have guessed from my not-so-subtle title, David Bateson, the seminal voice behind IO Interactive’s Hitman franchise of games is back! You see, first he was signed on, and then he wasn’t, and the whole thing was just one huge mess that forced… forced me to rant endlessly about how stupid IO is, and how they’re ruining both the game and my life. It’s all better now, though… I swear! Listen to what David has to say, and you’ll see what I mean.

David Bateson Returns to Hitman: Absolution

If you aren’t a fan of the series, then you probably have no idea why I’m so incredibly excited about this news. If you are, then please proceed to join me in celebration by dancing around your home… possibly dressed as Agent 47.

Wait, how can he… ?

Now, with Hitman: Absolution hitting the market in just a few months, you’re probably wondering the exact same thing that I am; how the hell are they able to pull this off? How can David Bateson record all that dialogue in just a few months time? It really makes me wonder about a few things. Has IO just been messing with us this whole time? Has David been a part of the project from the beginning? If not that, is there so little dialogue that they can confidently record all of it before release time? I’ve got so many questions… why oh why are they doing this to me?

Fuck it. Hitman: Absolution hits stores is now out as of November 20th, 2012, for PC, Xbox 360, and PS3. You can order your very own copy for about $39.99 USD online. Just remember, true fans play this on the PC, on the hardest difficulty, and with the HUD turned off. If you don’t, you’re probably a wussy loser. That, or they completely messed up the disguise system… you decide.