Remember that time you got super angry and it completely solved whatever problem, real or imagined, that you were having? Yeah… exactly.
That’s why we need to keep reminding ourselves that anger is never a useful response. For the sake on conversation, let’s act as if it’s generally a not-very-helpful emotion, because that’s true.
When we’re angry, parts of our brain that control logic and reason become less active; we actually become less intelligent. The name of the game is to get yourself out of this mode. Asking yourself questions about the situation can get you thinking logically again, reigning in your emotions, getting yourself under control.
Why am I angry? What is the other person doing that makes me angry? Why are they acting this way? How I can turn this situation around so that it’s a positive experience for them?
Most seemingly negative situations can be improved just be re-framing them. Make it a goal to turn every situation into a positive one. When you experience conflict, try and see it as a challenge. Eventually you may become so good at minimizing friction that you’ll even look forward to it!
Being aware of your anger gives you a huge advantage: you can use your experience to become a master at defusing situations.
Remember, everyone has a distorted view of reality. If we’re being perfectly honest, most people see themselves as the only real person in their world. Everyone else is just an entity to interact with. Being able to Figure out the selfish reason someone else is acting the way they are almost always results in a better understanding of the situation, and thus a better result.
People don’t generally make a point of trying to screw you over, they just don’t care about you or your situation. It’s a passive thing, and while they may sound similar, they’re pretty different when you think about it. Once you learn to root out what a person really wants, you can make friends out of enemies, which often makes it easier for you to get what you want.
