You know, we talk about bacon a lot. Really; bacon is one of those magical man foods that makes everything taste and smell delicious and wonderful, but I have to wonder- in the case of Bacon Lube… are you that ashamed of your junk that you need the attractive prowess of the world’s wonder meat to improve your own? Bacon Lube started out as an April Fools joke, and thanks to all the men on the net with more hunger and chest hair than brains, it is now a real product. I honestly can’t decide if this is the crowning achievement of civilization or if it’s the most retarded thing a man could possibly slather on his nether regions (and in this day and age, that’s really saying something.)
Bacon Lube
Man meat massages. Yeah, just let that sink in for a second. Let’s talk about this amazing/horrible product. That’s a dessicated strip of bacon on the bottle or in the bottle… I don’t really know. I’m finding it hard to even type this post without making beef wiener and pork sausage and all manner of inappropriate meat puns, let alone figure out what the hell is going on here. The more I think about this, the more I see pitfalls. Women love bacon too, we really do, but we’ll get a bit squirmy when we pull down your pants and imagine that you’re smearing bacon grease on your bits. What this has the best chance of doing is going to attract is the manliest of men who live for the pursuit of bacon. If you’re gay, Bacon Lube is officially the best product on the planet. If you’re not… well, I foresee a lot of bro-love tension in the air and a bunch of guys milling about trying not to sniff each other’s crotches. And if you’re using it on yourself for fun… there’s probably going to be a sharp rise in self-fellatio related injuries in the near future. Regardless, the price is right- it’s about $12 bucks a bottle. Just be careful when you mention to your go to girl that you think that making her smell and taste like a pig is an improvement. If you’re ready get your meat sizzlin’ (oh god I’m sorry) you can buy your Bacon Lube here.
Author, Designer, and "that girl your mother warned you about." Looking good seems to be my job, whether it's working with the site design, or a number of other more interesting capacities. I have a ridiculous sense of humour and a brutal sense of honesty- you'll see a lot of that coming through in my writing, so don't say I didn't warn you if I somehow manage to offend you AND hurt your feelings at the same time. On the plus side, it makes my dating and advice columns a lot more pertinent to an unfinished man in the real world.
