Even in these days for sexual freedom, experimentation, progressiveness and taboo-smashing, there’s one element of sexual interaction that men of any age are still a little hesitant to talk about or explore: adult sex toys. Whether the issue is one of unfamiliarity, lack of experience or just plain old intimidation, many men approach the subject in a joking manner, if at all. If you’re ready to enter a brave new world, read on to learn more about the joys of toys.
Know What You’re Looking for
Most real-life sex shops are not the dens of iniquity you may have imagined. They tend to look like any other boutique, and the sales associates are helpful and non-judgmental. The main issue – whether you choose a brick-and-mortar or online sex shop – is the sheer, almost overwhelming, volume and selection of toys and accessories available.
A good place to start is with a simple vibrator that has variable speeds. This is for two reasons. First, the majority of women achieve orgasm through clitoral as opposed to vaginal stimulation, and a good vibe is most ladies’ toy of choice. The variation in speeds will allow you to put just the right amount of pressure where it needs to be while still enabling you to dial it up or down according to her response. As you experiment and learn more about each other’s predilections, you can add other devices.
Other than type of toy, you should think about its material and construction. It won’t help you reach your goal if you buy something cheap that will fall apart or injury one of you. You also don’t want to cause an allergic reaction. Silicone is a soft, body-friendly choice. In fact, most newer vibes are only constructed from silicone. A sales associate can recommend a good, hypoallergenic lube to go with it; just make sure it’s water-based and not an oil. Some oils are petroleum-based and can erode latex.
Communication is Key
If you want to buy on your own at first, use a little restraint; unless you know her and her comfort level with experimentation, coming at her with something that looks like a jackhammer could be frightening and off-putting. Buying a toy as a surprise or a gift can also be a risky venture in other ways, too. She may take it personally, wondering if she is satisfying your needs. She may also feel as shy or intimidated about introducing toys to the mix as you initially were.
If you’re in an on-going relationship, whether as a couple, friends with benefits or in a casual situationship, get some input from your partner about likes and fantasies. This, combined with the act of shopping for toys together, can also create a deeper bond as well as become an incredible turn-on.
Be Confident
As far as intimidation goes, fear not. Sex toys are a way to enhance the experience, not a replacement for you. She’s more likely to see you as a considerate lover who cares about her pleasure than to run away with your rabbit vibe.
Whether you’ve been together for a few months or many years, adding toys to the mix can take your sexual encounters to whole new levels of pleasure for both of you. If you’re unsure where to start, the are many online sex toy retailers who also have blogs, forums and other outlets where you can explore and ask questions in a discreet, non-threatening environment. Go forth and experience joy.
