You live, you learn. Many years ago I was out for a round of golf at my local public course. Since my group was not a foursome, the pro shop had a single player join up with us. Now, I can’t remember the fellow’s name – but let’s call him Jim. What I can tell you Jim was easily in his seventies. He was short and had a very slight build. You might be able to guess what’s happened next.
I step up to the tee with my steel shaft persimmon wood, set my 5’ 11’’ frame over the ball, and crack out a drive- pretty good start for me. Jim steps up to the tee, and you couldn’t help but notice he had a driver with an oversized head on a long, high flex graphite shaft. Jim takes an easy swing and sends the ball on its way – way past where my ball lies, that is. Hhhhmmmm… did that tiny old guy just out drive me with much less swing effort? After a few more holes, it became apparent to me that “jolting” Jim had only one thing that I was lacking, and it definitely wasn’t bone density. It was his high tech driver. I began thinking that all there is to it is just getting new, better golf technology…it’s so simple, right?
Yeah, not so much. Have you seen the zany golf training aids and contraptions that are out there?
Golf Training Aids- The Hilariously Strange World of Golf Technology
There’s no denying that there is a lot of proven technology- especially in clubs and balls- that will help your game. So if you want to impress your friends when you head out on a golf weekend with yourgolftravel, there’s hope for you yet. The very week Jim showed us who was boss, I went out and bought myself a new graphite shaft driver, and sure enough, I was actually was able to hit my drives quite a bit further. That started the hamster wheel turning in my head; the reason pro golfers are pro golfers – they must have even better technology clubs… no wonder they make it look so easy! At that point the hamster stopped, looked at me and said, “give your head a shake.” If all it takes to be a pro golfer is to play with the newest and best technology clubs and golf training aids, then ALL the rich people that can afford the best would be pros. I think it’s safe to say that that is clearly not the case, considering there are so many people kitted out so amazingly who play so completely terribly.
But I can’t stop my mind from racing – headed for the equivalent of overdrive thinking, actually. I’d already proven to myself that embracing new golf club technology played a huge part in improving almost all shot making. There simply must be another place the average golfer could make use of technology to get to the next level… maybe even to the level of the pros! Then it came to me: if one wants to get better at any sport they must religiously train and practice. There’s the ticket! To improve one’s golf game even more, simply find, purchase, and make use of high golf training aids and technology. So simple! Unfortunately, every back yard inventor in the world is convinced that he’s got the next big thing in golf training aids, when really, he’s just reinvented some form of medieval torture device.
I went trolling around on the internet and am now able to share with you a few of the golf training aids that look like winners. There’s a lot of technology out there, so let’s take a look at my top five. It’s not that I don’t acknowledge the obvious principles that these golf training aids embody. It’s that you couldn’t use these anywhere without looking like a complete idiot- I’d love to see someone strap one of these Frankengolf aids to the back of his cart and head out for a day on the links.
I understand the idea of practising your swing until it becomes muscle memory. But I don’t understand training yourself to scrape your shaft, bang the back of your head and experience claustrophobia on a regular basis. I can only imagine golfers leaning up against hazards and squeezing into awkward areas to take their shots because they feel lost without the cold embrace of their steely Gruva. I’d like to see someone with one of these strapped to the front of their cart stalking the fairways like a big game hunter.
If you’ve ever horrifically broken any bones, this may look familiar. But in truth, it’s not actually a cast. This helps you golf by being a hideous sandal that straps to your shoe and jabs you every time you move. When you finish your swing and point your toe, the piece that pokes you swings forward, whacking anyone or anything near you (which I suppose, to be fair, would also have felt the wrath of your club.) You can try to walk in it, and maybe you’ll be able to convince people that you actually have…er, need… that handicap.
The only thing that could possibly alleviate the embarrassment of pulling this thing out on the course would be to find a way to jury rig it to open your beer, or perhaps use it as some sort of bola-esque weapon to fend off small animals after your wayward ball. Or worse, you could train yourself with it, only to find you can’t remember how to putt without it, leading to awkward DIY repairs during your game with sticks, course scenery, or someone in your party’s accoutrements.
What is it? What does it do? Can I eat it? Who knows! But the brochure says it only weighs 21 pounds, so you can easily strap it to your back just in case you have no luck stomping about in the underbrush angrily looking for a patch of ground in this exact formation.
The best way to improve your golf game? Clearly, you need to build yourself a metallic exoskeleton, because the one you currently have just isn’t working.
Keep on swinging and keep on smiling! See you out on the course.
-Diamond Don
