Muscle Car Names – You Can’t Be Tough With Sissy Branding

I had the TV on the other night while a new car commercial was aired; there will always be good and bad car commercials, but what actually made me shake my head about this one was the new car’s name. It’s called a what?! What kind of weak names are out there these days? There is no dictionary meaning to many, and -even as a car guy- I failed to see how this name “connected” in any car context way. When muscle cars dominated the sixties street scene, it would have been so wrong to brand these tire melters with anything other than tough sounding monikers. So, what would Diamond Don pick as his top five favorite muscle car names? For your approval or opinions… let’s go do some bench racing! 

Muscle Car Names – You Can’t Be Tough With Sissy Branding

#1 – 1964 Ford Fairlane Thunderbolt

Noun 1. Thunderbolt – a discharge of lightning accompanied by thunder.

The name Thunderbolt makes me think of air sizzling with electricity, big noise, and the raw power of nature. Perfect!

Back in 1963, Ford’s special vehicle department was looking to assemble a seriously competitive drag racer and came up with the Ford Fairlane Thunderbolt. A mid-size sedan body, dual quad 427 cubic inch engine, tricked out weight saving parts, and the omission of several standard comfort items all contributed to make the Thunderbolt a drag racing success. The Thunderbolt was supposed to be street legal as delivered to you – just get in and drive your new factory racer to the drag strip, run it, and then drive it home so you can get some clean shorts!

#2 – 1971 Plymouth ‘cuda

Noun 1. Barracuda – any voracious marine fish of the genus Sphyraena having an elongated cylindrical body and large mouth with projecting lower jaw and long strong teeth.

Barracuda is definitely a cool enough muscle car name, but a couple of syllables too long. With a simple shortening, Plymouth created an iconic name with style. The ‘cuda is a scary fish; the kind of predatory creature that you just don’t want to cross paths with.

The Plymouth E body style has always been a crowd favorite. My personal fave ‘cuda is the 1971 model year because of the one year only dual headlight treatment, grille design, and front chrome side gills.

#3 – 1965 AC Shelby Cobra

Noun 1. Cobra – venomous Asiatic and African elapid snakes that can expand the skin of the neck into a hood.

The name Cobra brings to mind a menacing snake – reared up, puffed up, and ready to strike out with a blinding reflexive speed…. usually at some idiot taunting the Cobra to do just that.

In the words of Steve Irwin, what a beauty! People really knew how to build them… no wonder classic car sales are growing so quickly.

Carroll Shelby had a vision to create a light weight racing vehicle that could ultimately best the Corvette. The AC Shelby Cobra Mark III started with a body imported from British company AC Cars, and then received a Ford 427 cubic inch side oiler engine. There is a reason the Cobra in the first picture is roped off, far from the viewing gallery. In order to own and show off a real AC Shelby Cobra like this one, be prepared to part with a couple of million bucks.

#4 – 1970 Mercury Cougar Eliminator

Noun 1. Eliminator – an agent that eliminates something.

The name Eliminator brings just one thought to mind. If the muscle car is the agent, then the “something” that muscle car is going to eliminate is the racing competition!

The Eliminator was a styling and performance package offered on the 1969 and 1970 Mercury Cougar. Because the Cougar was larger and heavier than its Mustang pony car cousin, the 428 Cobra Jet was the must have performance engine option, preferably with the Drag Pack option 4.30:1 rear axle ratio.

#5 – 1969 Ford Mustang Mach 1

Noun (aeronautics). Mach – the ratio of the speed of a moving body to thespeed of sound.

There is something about aligning anything with aviation – names, terms, styling – with the muscle car genre that just seems right. Reaching mach 1 speed means that you have achieved the speed of sound. If any man made craft is going to be mach 1 capable, then it’s got to be sleek, powerful, and engineered right!

With a new longer body, a deluxe interior, and Sportsroof (the new Ford corporate name for the fastback), the 1969 and 1970 Mach 1 was a styling high point for the Mustang. Some reviewers claim the car was better handling (and therefore more balanced) packaged with the 351 cubic inch engine, but if straight line performance is what you are all about, you’d take the 428 Cobra Jet every time.

Sharing my choices for best muscle car names has been therapeutic for me, and helped me get past brainless new car commercials. It has reminded me that there have been (and still are!) more great choices for car names. Listen up manufacturers – no more lame names!
And please, when it comes to me personally: call me anything, but don’t call me late for dinner! – Diamond Don

Photo Credits:
Thunderbolt [MS Classic Cars]
‘Cuda [Cartype and Mecum Auctions]
Cobra [Popular Restorations and Concept Carz]
Eliminator [Classic Cougar and Dynamic Motorsports]
Mach 1 [San Francisco Sports Cars]