Imagine this: you’re living on the Upper West Side in New York City with your best friend and the love of your life, studying to become a lawyer, engaged to be married, and feeling excited about everything in the future. Then, one day, your fiancee decides that she needs to figure out who she is. She goes to San Francisco to take an art internship and breaks it off with you. The classic case of “my girlfriend broke up with me to find herself.”
Sound familiar? Well, it should. It’s the plot arc of Marshall and Lily at the end of the first season of How I Met Your Mother. Of course, suppose you watched the show for longer than the first season (and you should have because it didn’t become terrible until a few years later and atrocious at the bitter end). In that case, you know that Lily came back within about six months of heading to San Francisco, and they lived happily ever after. They eventually had three children and fulfilling careers.
But what about when that happens in real life? When your girl goes all Eat, Pray, Love or, in a worse case, all Midsommar on you and decides to leave you behind to find herself? Does that mean that she’ll find another guy? Is she just looking for a change? Does she end up staying in the same town you’re both living in because so many people who are often so hellbent on getting away from where they live to end up never going anywhere?
My Girlfriend Broke Up With me to Find Herself. Is It Over?
Here are a few different ways the girlfriend broke up with me to find herself scenario could play out:
Not thinking it through
Sometimes, a girl might break up with you because she’s looking to find herself and finds that she really should not have left in the first place. She wasn’t thinking it through and would have gotten just as much satisfaction from coloring her hair a wild shade. If you believe that’s the case, let it run its course and decide what you want in the end. You’ve got the upper hand here.
After all, you’re the one who didn’t leave. You’ve been here the whole time, and you’re not going anywhere. She’s the one who decided to up and leave, so it’s on her to make the next move. If she comes back within a few weeks or months, fine. Give her another chance. But if it drags on for much longer, it might be time to give up and move on.
Leaving you in the lurch
Maybe your girl breaks up with you and decides she has had enough. She saddles you with all the bills, no friends in the area, and no recourse. (I understand — I’ve been there myself.) You could chase after her, but trust me when I say it’s not worth it. If she’s chosen to dip, even for a ridiculous reason, let her. If she crawls back, it sucks to be her, right? Also, be sure to keep your security deposit when you move out.
Unfortunately, in this day and age, there’s no telling how a breakup will go down. It could be amicable, or it could be nasty. Your girl could leave you for another guy, or she could come back within six months. If she goes the latter route, great! But if not, don’t chase after her. Let her find herself. And in the meantime, you do the same.
They’ll be back
If you know the girl will be back, let her go again. Allow her some space, let her paint what she wants to paint, eat what she wants to eat, do what she needs to do and if she does come back, you’ll both be stronger for it.
There’s no point in fighting tooth and nail for somebody who doesn’t want to be with you anymore — even if it is just for a little while. If your lady wants to take some time off to find herself, the best thing you can do is let her go. Who knows, maybe she’ll return to you with a renewed appreciation for what you have together.
It wasn’t meant to be
Then again, most couples don’t work out like Marshall and Lily. (And they’re not written for TV, either.) If she is going to leave to find herself, just like any other potential outcome, you’ve got to let her go. If she isn’t willing to stick around, give her space. You’ll probably find out that someone ready to leave at the drop of a hat isn’t going to be there for you when it counts, either. It’s better that you find out sooner rather than later.
If you’re going through the classic girlfriend broke up with me to find herself relationship tragedy, take it as an opportunity to better yourself. Bulk up at the gym. Learn a new skill. Find yourself, unattached from a relationship. It might be the gift you never knew you needed.
