Sex should give us pleasure. For most people, it’s an inherent part of their relationships, the way of expressing their love and deep feelings. We always have the most intense sex at the beginning of the relationship when people fall in love with each other, and they can’t overcome their extreme emotions. But as time goes by, sex becomes only one of the physical activities we practice together with our partner in the bedroom. Very often, it’s getting mundane, not resembling in any way the pervasive scenes from Fifty Shades of Grey. So, how to heat up the vibrations in the relation?
Most women have sexual fantasies, craving for indulging in them in reality. Being tied up and treated like a sex plaything or dreaming about the Hottest Male Strippers is only one of many sexual female fantasies. But should women share them with their partners? Unfortunately, they are frequently ashamed of having such thoughts and afraid of their partner’s reaction. So, in most cases, they prefer burying their heads in the sand over discussing these fantasies with their significant other.
From the psychological point of view
According to psychologists, fantasies are perfectly healthy and normal. Everyone has some fantasies. Your partner probably has them as well. They are a huge part of sexuality, and whereas some of these images you may want to keep only to yourself, some of them could become part and parcel of your daily sexual life. As long as your sexual fantasies are legal, you shouldn’t be concerned about them. They can actually bring back the fire to your sex life.
However, some of the fantasies are just fantasies, and people don’t even think of playing them out. Watching porn or blue films, one can dream about public humiliation and having sex on the sidewalk, whereas, in reality, such a person is ashamed of giving their partner a kiss in public.
Many psychologists advise not to share all the details of your fantasies with your partner unless you really want to do it. If you’re brave enough and crave for putting some of them into practice, then give it a play. A heart-to-heart talk with your better half can bring you great relief. You can even find out that your boyfriend or husband also has something to share with you. It doesn’t mean that you both have to agree on everything, but you can try to mix some things in your bedroom to make your sex more exciting and pleasurable.
What if my partner takes it as an assault?
It may happen that when you tell about your fantasies, your partner will feel offended that he can’t satisfy your sexual desires. Then, try to explain to him that it’s something natural, and that’s not his fault. Tell him about your expectations in bed and emphasise that your aim is your mutual sexual satisfaction. Try to be open to his suggestions as well. Understanding your needs is the key to a happy and successful relationship.
It’s also important to consider whether your fantasies involve other people and how your partner may react to this. Think about how you would feel if you found out that he dreams about a threesome. Try to put yourself in his shoes before initiating an intimate conversation. Some people may not be surprised at all and take it as something normal, while others will be shaken or even hurt that you haven’t disclosed it before, which means that you don’t fully trust him.
Is not telling about my fantasies a cheat?
Some people think that they should tell their partners everything because otherwise, they aren’t truly honest to each other. Does it really work like that? Do you have to disclose all your fantasies to be open with your partner? There’s no right answer to this. On the one hand, you have the right to some kind of privacy, even in a relationship. On the other hand, if you value more the security of knowing your partner entirely and you’re afraid of concealing something from him, you should tell him what’s bothering you. The best method is always to find a balance between your independence and the security of your relationship.
Also, take into account the type of fantasies you have. Some of them may be trivial and may not threaten your relationship in any way. Whereas others may be more uncomfortable to hear and can change the way we feel about the partner and the whole relationship, leading to some conflicts or even a breakup.
No matter what you decide, whether to tell him about your sexual fantasies or not, always remember about trust. It should be the foundation of every relationship. But for it, you won’t be able to create a healthy and strong partnership.
