I have been seeing more and more complaints online from “nice guys” lately. They are all pretty much the same. The nice guy is friends with a girl, is respectful, hangs out with her and then gets crushed when she ends up going out with another guy.
When I was younger I experienced this and my first inclination was to feel outraged. All through my life it was drilled into my head that I had to respect women, don’t make any sexual comments, do not infringe on their space, don’t treat them like a sex object, treat them like a human being and be a gentleman. But when I did all of those things, the girl I was interested in ended up going out with a guy who treated her like garbage.
As I aged, I got jobs where I managed younger people in retail jobs, and I got to view these types of situations from afar. I learned a lot.
The most common advice you will get is that women like nice guys, but they are repulsed by spineless guys. You can not be a doormat. The only type of girls you will get being a doormat are girls who want to use you.
There’s more, though. I had one female employee who was constantly dating different guys. Many of these poor fellows were crushed when she moved on. What they didn’t know is that this girl was simply unable to commit. She would literally have 3 “boyfriends” in a week. Last I heard, she was in a rehab center.
When these sad guys would come in looking for her, I wanted to tell them that she was simply incapable of being faithful. On top of that, she couldn’t hold a conversation to save her life and was in general a pretty dull person.
I had another female employee who actually did date a doormat. There was one time where she was working on a cash register and her boyfriend actually sat cross-legged against the opposite wall and made puppy eyes at her for her entire four hour shift.
Any time he made a move to leave she would make a growling noise, pretending to be a dog. He would make a whimpering noise like a puppy back at her and sit back down. It was done as a joke, but the communication behind it was very real. She wanted him to just sit there for her whole shift and be where she could keep an eye on him.
I shut that down, as employees aren’t supposed to have friends hanging around at work. But that’s an example of what kind of relationship a “nice guy” could end up in.
You can be nice, but you can’t be a doormat. These three rules can help you a lot:
- If she comes over and asks what you want to do, do not always say: “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”
- Don’t agree with everything she says just to try to get her to like you.
- Have your own passions and hobbies. Don’t just dive into everything she likes.
In general, don’t just say what you think what she wants to hear. Nobody respects that kind of person.
