She’s Disappointed – Is it Fixable?

“I’m not mad… I’m just disappointed.” No guy wants to hear these words, and rightly so; disappointment is actually more likely to kill a relationship than passionate anger. All women may be different, but there are certain things we’re all on the same page about. If she’s acting like you’ve dropped the ball, and you’re left scratching your head as to why, check our cheat sheet- we’ll help you fix it, and avoid future drama that can lead to the death of your relationship.

You have bad judgement

So maybe you thought shaving off a friend’s eyebrow when he passed out was a great idea- but now she’s raising hers at you, and you realize that the room temperature’s dropped to below zero. Whether or not your girl has the same sense of humor as you, there are a lot of decisions that you think are funny or cool that are going to have her thinking twice about you. Letting lapses in judgment build up is likely to crush your relationship, but you can’t expect to be perfect, and you can’t  remodel your values completely after hers. When it comes down to it, the woman you’re dating thinks you’re amazing (or should) and unfortunately, that status often leads to heightened expectations of you. She knows that you won’t always meet them, but she’s hoping that you’ll try, and that’s one of the biggest keys to the dreaded disappointment issue. Instead of despairing that you’ll never be able to have fun or be yourself again, make an effort to take a few more seconds thought before you act. A woman wants a man who represents himself- and by extension her- well, and who in the future can pass good morals and judgment on to her kids. Making this effort means more than actually behaving 100% of the time.  Take a minute to check in your head whether or not she’d be proud of what you’re doing and decide before you continue. If you don’t think she will be, that’s fine; just make sure to have an explanation ready when she takes you to task later. That way you can tell her that you were in fact thinking, and she learns that you do take her opinions seriously, but that you also have your own that are justified. It sure beats “it seemed like a good idea at a time.”

You aren’t romantic

Romantic means a lot of different things to different women, but one universal truth is that you likely pulled out a little romance to win her over. As a relationship progresses, it’s likely that she hopes that you’ll continue feeling the love, while you’re feeling like the hard work is already done. The important thing to remember is that romance is not about money or expensive gifts, and if that’s all your girl thinks, she’s not the right girl. Combat disappointment with the occasional “thoughtful” (this term is going to come up a lot during this article) gesture; leave her a cute note, make a stay-in night into an at home date… Women want something that they could tell their friends about when it comes to how sweet and romantic you are. Even if she doesn’t tell her friends, that’s the scale that you’re being judged against; keep this in mind because the crux of the matter is that she wants to feel like you are thinking about her. With a minimum of effort you can fulfill this expectation- it really is the thought that counts. You just actually have to think it. Benefits here are that she’s going to feel more comfortable doing romantic things right back for you because she knows you care, and your relationship will be the better for it. Who doesn’t want to cash in on handmade breakfasts or video game bjs?

You act like a jerk in public

Most guys wouldn’t want to waste their time with a girlfriend being catty every time they go out together, and the opposite is true as well. We live in a society where machismo dictates that guys can make fun of each other and everyone else as a form of “manly humor”, and that’s definitely okay. However, if your razzing is starting to trend towards a macho version of a snarky bitch, it’s going to cause a lot of disappointment for the woman who looks to you to be different than her girlfriends. And lets face it, on this one your girl is completely right; outside of the fact that you’re letting her down by not being the pinnacle of manhood, you’re also being a jerk. For the sake of being one step closer to a finished man and an all around likable person, take that one extra second to analyze what you’re joking around about and make sure it’s not going just a step too far. If you’re already this guy, you’ll see an unbelievable change in your girlfriend’s behavior, and all your friendships, if you keep your sense of humor but modify your delivery a bit. Genuinely treating people better  is going to improve your entire life, and your girl (and you, let’s be honest) is going to love hearing from everyone how awesome you are.

You just forget

This is a tough one, because some of us just don’t have the best memories. To women, the act of remembering is an act of caring, which means that every time you forget something- even if it’s minor- it appears as though you just don’t care. This is the number one source of disappointment, and while you shouldn’t put up with a girl that thinks that every minute mixup is a signal of how you secretly harbor a bitter hatred for her, you’ll just have to compromise a bit. Because it’s the thought that counts, and forgetting is often not thinking, put two and two together and understand where the disappointment is generated. Once you get that, it’s an easy step to taking the time to put a note or alarm in your phone when your girl stresses that something is important. You can’t be expected to magically improve your memory, especially when you don’t really care about something, but you can easily score mega brownie points simply by making the effort to remember something that she mentions. Even the act of stopping her briefly to jot down a note shows you are present, listening, and caring enough to make the effort.

It’s up to you where you decide that ‘reasonable means for disappointment’ begins and ‘absolutely crazy bundle of seething emotion’ ends, but remember that women and men think differently, and that if you’re with her, it’s for a reason. Odds are she’s working to understand the male mind and trying to avoid disappointing you too, so take a few of these pointers to heart and you’ll have a relationship that will be a lot less likely to die a slow, disappointing death.