So with my birthday upon me and a DUI article behind me, I thought it might be high time to talk about what one shouldn’t do on their birthday. For instance, you should not let your friends convince you to go drinking with them. You see, what they mean is that they want you to drink for them. They will ply you with liquid courage, spin you about, and use you as a sort of modern-day jester for their entertainment.
You also shouldn’t hit a guy who refers to your friend as a slut. That is right out. Oh, do I know he had it coming to him. After all, he was wearing a fedora, but that’s no excuse. Oh, and you definitely, shouldn’t call the cop a tosser. You thought you could get away with it as you don’t live in England. As it turns out, cops don’t like being called things they don’t know the meaning of and can pretty much arrest you at will.
Also, lawyer jokes go over really well at parties. REALLY WELL. They don’t do so great with your lawyer. As it turns out, hearing people tell them they have no soul or are all destined for Hell leads to some nasty emotional scarring. Also, lawyers know how to represent themselves in a courtroom, so the beating you just took is likely to be dismissed. So, remember that the next time you crack a lawyer joke at a party. As an aside, also remember that Judges were lawyers as well.
Lastly, I know Oz was a great series on HBO and all, but attacking the biggest guy you can find in prison doesn’t generally work out. Yeah, they tend to have gangs of friends and are generally better equipped for such things than you are. Maybe try the second biggest guy or something.
But they do come in handy…
But on a more serious note, get a lawyer if you ever find yourself in legal trouble. I know we make fun of them all the time, and I realize that we have a particular ideal that the system works, but in reality, you need representation. The legal world is designed in a language that appears to be English and is not where you want to end up unprepared.
Think of it this way, gents: you use a stylist for your hair, a mechanic for your car, and a broker for your stocks. Why don’t you think you’d need a legal professional even for minor cases if you need a professional in those fields?
There’s a time and a place to break out a skilled criminal defense attorney, and it’s not when you’re being tried for a crime. If you’ve been arrested, or even if you think you might be arrested, contact an attorney as soon as possible. With the right lawyer, you could get the charges against you reduced or dismissed altogether.
I know it’s not easy to afford a lawyer, but there are many ways to get quality legal representation without breaking the bank. You can look into legal aid organizations which provide free or low-cost services to those who qualify. Or you can contact a law school clinic, where students offer free legal help under the supervision of a professor.
If you go to court, remember that the lawyers are there to help you. They’re not the enemy. They’re the only ones who can ensure you get a fair trial. So don’t be afraid to speak up and ask for help when you need it.
And whatever you do, don’t crack any lawyer jokes.
