The Silent Tantrum: 5 Ways She Tries To Get Under Your Skin

As a man, you can likely feel the bad vibes when a woman is upset with you; it’s not because she’s terrible at hiding it, but rather that she wants you to know. Men have pretty set ways of dealing with their anger or hurt, and they usually function like a light switch: flip it up, and they’re a raging angry yell-face; flip it down, and they bottle everything up inside until it gives them a tumor. Women, on the other hand, will usually talk or yell it out if it’s important enough, but when you’ve done something that’s just enough to upset her… all bets are off.  Often, because most men tremble at the thought of talking, women take ‘direct’ action with- ironically- passive aggressive behavior. While we’ve provided a lot of articles about improving yourself, it’s time to get some tips on how to stop letting women manipulate you. It may not be fair, but what it means is that with our help you’ll be able to keep an eye out for the signs of an impending storm, and you can head it off at the pass. By learning the techniques a woman might use to express her dissatisfaction with you, you can learn how to stop them, and hopefully pick up on whatever behavior you may need to change to avoid her needing them again. It’s a win all around.

Flirting When You’re Around

There are some women who flirt like they were born to do it, and you might be okay with it; however, we can only dream that this is always the case. More likely, your girl is pulling this stunt because she feels she needs extra attention, and this functions as a double whammy- riling up new and exciting men, while inciting delicious jealous reactions from you. It might also be that she’s feeling insecure, and this could be because of something you’ve done, or just be something she’s always felt. No matter how it goes down, if this is something that bothers you (or it’s something that she hopes will bother you) it isn’t right; don’t let her get away with purposely walking over your feelings, and be wary as it could be a sign that she’s got a lot deeper issues than you know. This is about respect- namely, hers, for both of you. If she’s not a natural born flirt but she’s draping men over each arm like candy bracelets, it’s time to stop this tantrum in its tracks.

Shut it down in two distinct ways; either ignore it outright, or invite her on a walk and give her a quick heads up that what she’s doing isn’t your thing. If you choose to ignore her, go all the way about it and make sure you don’t let on at all until you get home. Having the distractions out of the way (and no audience) makes her less likely to feel justified about her flirting. If the latter is what you’re going for, make sure that you remove her from the situation with nothing but smiles and regular behavior. If you storm over, throw her over your shoulder and make a scene, you’ve done exactly what she was likely hoping for- you look stupid, and she knows that you’re jealous and hurt. If you handle it calmly, and quietly tell her while walking somewhere closely hand in hand, you’re more than likely to turn it into a heated (in the good way) exchange. She may get off on knowing that you felt a pang of jealousy, and surprisingly, you may too. Just remember that if the situation is rewarded with steamy makeup sex she’ll be likely to pull this stunt more often to get some- make sure you’re clear about telling her that she’s going too far before you rip off her clothes.

Keeping You Waiting

Movies ram “the right time to call” down our throats with sappy exchanges and adorably comical mix-ups, but unless you’re dating (or screwing) a girl player, you’re always going to get timely responses to your calls, texts, and emails. When your girl is mad at you, she’ll start delaying responses, providing non-committal, brief, and downright cold correspondence. If she normally is quick to reply to you with cutesy messages or sultry sexts, but then suddenly stops answering you for a day at a time or more, there are only two real culprits. She’s either lost interest in you altogether, or (much more likely, because it takes time to fall out of love/lust) you’ve hurt her in some way and she’s punishing you.

Shut it down by not falling for her subtle way of forcing you to call and wait on her. She’s hoping you’ll get caught in the limbo of texts and messages so she can feel like you care that she’s too “busy” for you. Don’t acknowledge that she’s ignoring you- there’s no point as that’s only her means to an end. She’ll feel attacked if you call her on it (even if it is justified,) and she’ll know that what she did actually did bother you. If she chooses to delay and ignore your contact, simply stop sending it until you can see her face to face. When you ask her what’s upset her right off the bat in person, you’re forcing her to grow up and clear the air, like an adult. Once you get whatever issue she has sorted, everything else will fall into place. If she doesn’t want to tell you or talk face to face, then it’s time to consider whether you want to pursue a relationship with someone who can’t communicate- just like a woman should if you pulled the same silly tantrum.

Dressing Sexy (Or Sexier)

If you fell in love with a wild child with an edgy sense of style that is more at home in a strip club, you knew what you were getting in to, and you should by all rights accept her as she is. But what does it mean when your conservative or stylish-but-not-tarty girl is dressing like a tramp? If she’s going out in mini-skirts that double as belts and brand new 4 inch stilettos, there’s a reason, and it likely boils down to attention again. If she normally looks good without feeling the need to bare it all, but she’s suddenly losing layers like she’s on fire, she’s pulling a power play to get the attention of other men. While we’re strong, independent, and capable of choosing what we wear, the reality is, we don’t go full out slut overnight without a reason. She wants you to know she’s feeling ignored or neglected, and she wants you to know that there are men out there who would happily snap her up at a second’s notice.

Shut it down because this is a crappy thing for her to do, both to you, and to herself! She may get a mild thrill out of the attention at first, but drastic dress-up is fun for a day, not for the rest of her life when she isn’t being true to her nature. You could try to put your foot down and tell her that she can’t wear whatever lacy look she’s sporting, and she may be the type of girl who simply wants a man who will stand up for the most important things in his life (ie. her affections, safety, or whatever she wants you to value in her.) However, most of you are dating women who don’t really need or want that type of validation, and putting your foot down is much more likely to equate to stomping on your own balls… hard. Instead, give her a peck on the cheek or a pat on the butt, tell her she looks nice, and to have fun. Take all the air out of her sails (or her push-up bra) by acting normal- she can’t be upset because you complimented her and you respected her dubious outfit decision, and she is unlikely to keep trying because you’ve shown that her attempts to rile you up are failures. Plus, you got to see her sexed up, and you can talk about how great it was later, when you get her out of those out of character clothes.

Being Territorial

When a woman is upset with one of your friendships, your hobbies, or your attention level, she’ll often start finding ways to underline that you’re hers. However, a modicum of this behavior comes naturally, so you may not actually care to shut it down- IF you’re dating her and you’re comfortable with her demarcating a visual presence in your life. If you guys are casually seeing each other, or are only bed buddies, this type of behavior gets old fast. It may manifest in leaving her stuff around your place (let your other guy friends see her toothbrush, or her panties on the hamper- that will show them she’s more important than they are!), in making sure to be in the middle of all your plans or pulling you into hers (regardless of how they originated), or it may be that she suddenly wants to be all over you the second anyone else is around. As I mentioned, if you’re in a solid relationship, you have to decide how many of these habits you’re okay with, and to what degree.

But if you aren’t exclusive, shut it down and don’t let her claim you- make sure to gather up what she’s left around and bring it back to her (so thoughtful!) the next time you see her; make sure you keep days to yourself aside so she knows that she can’t steamroller you into submission. And if her clingy behavior is uncomfortable for you and the people around you, make sure she knows it-  by doing any of these things, she’ll get the hint that her attitude isn’t working and isn’t appreciated. If you don’t lay it out that she doesn’t have the right to project silent and complete possession of you, she’ll think she does, and she’s going to blow a gasket when she finds out you’re dating around;  that tantrum won’t be quiet.

Withholding Sex

Let’s get real here- no one should do this. I’m not talking about not being in the mood, or having a concern that needs to be cleared up before getting intimate. I’m talking about the highly referenced, no sex as punishment; while we usually see it presented as the ultimate power play by a woman, men do it too, so make sure you don’t- it’s majorly bad karma. The most common difference is, most women hold back sex and affection because when they are hurt they can’t get emotionally into the act, and that’s a big factor for them. More often than not, you’ll go to take her into your arms, or kiss her playfully, and you’re stonewalled by an icy cage of indifference. What’s even worse is you often don’t know why, because sometimes she’s too into the fact that she’s hurt to remember to tell you.

Shut it down because this is a relationship-friendship-friends-with-benefits-KILLER. If she’s genuinely hurt and it’s leaking into your sex life, there’s no getting around it- you need to talk to her. Often she’ll be waiting for the chance to let it all out and after a good talk and cry, you’ll get all that back-ordered passion in the form of frenetic make-up sex. However- remember that many men can be in a blind rage or severe depression and still be DTF, and so for them, withholding sex and affection is usually about power or to influence a situation. These women exist too- if she’s withholding sex or affection simply to make you squirm or to pressure you into doing whatever she wants and waiting on her, you need to decide what you’re worth to yourself. No person, man or woman, should have physical contact of any sort waved over their head like a treat presented for subservient behavior. If this is how you’re feeling, you can try and talk it out with her for your own sake, but be ready to grow a pair and pull the cord: you deserve better.

Let’s face it- all men and women will pull a silent tantrum at some point, and while sometimes it’s just because they’re feeling bratty, sometimes it stems from genuine hurt. Remember what we’ve taught you here, and like a true finished man, you’ll be able to stop your woman’s manipulative behavior when -or before- it starts, and both you and your girl will be better off for it.