Women are undisputed masters of the white lie, but before you get too torqued out imagining all the dirty falsehoods your girl’s been telling you, let’s talk about why we do it. Believe it or not, we don’t care to deceive you, but we do care about you. The white lie is a powerful tool that everyone uses at some point in their day, and whether for good or for evil, it’s a pretty normal human interaction. People don’t give a damn about how your lunch went most of the time, and they’re rarely going to stand up and tell you how badly they straight out disagree with you. Consider the white lie as the soothing balm that keeps the nutsack of the world from sticking to its leg; while it may not be a life-saving necessity, it certainly keeps everyone more comfortable and happy. While there are white lies that can help you get out of trouble (“I was just helping my buddy move his patio furniture!” …past the gorgeous, sun-kissed, twenty something neighbor girl), women usually tell white lies to help keep unnecessary man-drama to a minimum (this may be a fairly startling revelation; sometimes, just sometimes, it is the man who’s getting too worked up about something.) The only problem with this is that it may create a sense of security that isn’t 100% true, and if you’re feeling like everything is just a bit too perfect and bland, you may be getting fed a steady diet of polite bull shit. We’ve put together some of the most common white lies that women specifically use with men, and a guide to what they actually mean.
“I’m fine.”
Yeah… no. Most guys know this one for what it is, and its many incarnations; “Nothing’s wrong,” “Don’t worry about it,” and the ever popular “I’m not upset.” Most of the time, these are statements designed to test how much you care- she knows that you know it’s not true, and she’s waiting for you to show a bit of extra concern and caring by asking again. There are a few times where it’s actually because she just doesn’t want to get into it, but unfortunately, this one’s up to you to decide whether or not you’re going to play ball by asking after it further.
“Size doesn’t matter.”
Let’s face it, size does matter after a point in either direction, but that’s not actually why we tell this lie. While too big is just as bad (and sometimes worse) than too small, if you can use what you’ve got effectively, then we won’t care when we’re getting railed. However, we’ve learned to tell this lie because men go their whole lives hearing that bigger is better, and even the most well endowed guys manage to have doubts. Since we’re more worried about the girth of your ego than that of your penis, realize we usually don’t have too much of an opinion of what’s going on down there and would much rather deflect the entire topic and get on with the lovin’. You have a penis, and that’s awesome! If she tells you this little gem and it makes you wonder, just remember it’s much more likely that we’re noticing you’re not confident, versus actually thinking you have a micropenis.
“Don’t worry, it’s normal.”
No…it’s not normal; on the plus side, this doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, either. Everyone has sexual problems at some point, so if you can rule it as too much drinking, excessive amounts of stress, guilt, or disinterest, don’t going into panic mode thinking that you’ve broken your junk. However, if you’re hearing this a lot because it’s happening a lot, then bite the bullet and talk to a doctor; life is too short too be freaking out over sex. Regardless of reason, a girl is going to tell you this because she knows that whatever is going on is going to be a bigger deal in your mind than it is to her. She really doesn’t want you to feel shitty… but realize that once you’ve heard this once, she’s expecting you to do better next time.
“You’re the best ______ I’ve ever had.”
It’s not that you’re not great at everything, but let’s be realistic- she’s going to treat you as she wants to be treated, and she’s going to want to make you feel good. You could pick whatever she says apart and try to discern if you really are a phenomenal lay or the sweetest boyfriend ever, or, you could take it at face value and enjoy the recognition she’s giving you. She’s not lying for the sake of lying, but if you’ve thrown a best-ever statement out there, and she takes a second when responding in kind, it’s likely because she knows men are super competitive and doesn’t want you to over think it. She’s not going to be the first to say it if it’s not true, but she’d rather fib than leave you hanging over an awkward silence if you take the plunge.
Remember the reasons why women tell white lies: we want to avoid arguments, or we want to spare your feelings or make you feel better. Knowing that it’s happening now and again should be a sign to you that you’re with a woman who is conscious about making sure that you’re happy and comfortable with yourself, and that’s not a bad thing. Just as she doesn’t actually want to know that her ass looks enormous, she loves you enough to make sure she’s not telling an ugly truth that simply doesn’t need to be told. A white lie is still a lie, so just consider that an entire relationship can’t be built on them- if you feel like everything she says is too non-committal or too designed to be exactly what you want to hear, then you may want to dig a bit deeper. It will either help your relationship move forward, or expose one that may not be as perfect as it seems.
