It’s time to blow off that subscription and enter into the glorious world of free porn. As if you needed a reason to save money.
Porn has come a long way in the last decade. No longer do you have to secretly raid your Dad’s hidden stash of contraband vhs, rent a hotel room just to buy the playboy channel, or risk felony incarceration just to watch two hotties getting it on. Yes, my friends, thanks to the internet, porn is all around us. Easily accessible and happy to cater to any desire your filth riddled mind could concoct.
What’s even better is that you can now get some of the best porn videos on the internet for free. Free porn is the way forward, and to really pound this home, we spoke to a spokesperson for the web’s naughtiest totally free porn site, Spankwire. Easily accessible, easy to use, and it won’t drown your device in pop-ups, the spokesperson gives us the low down and dirty on exactly why free porn is the best porn.
- 1. Less Explaining to Do
There’s nothing worse than having to explain to your wife what all those charges on the credit card are for. Even if your statement doesn’t pop up with an “Nasty and Gnarly Grandmas II”, it’s still pretty difficult to explain away a recurring monthly purchase to some unknown company out of a country no one has ever heard of. “Porn subscriptions are generally pretty expensive, and even when they’re discreetly billed, a transaction still comes up” Spankwire´s spokesperson tells us. Even if you’re flying solo and don’t have the burden of sharing finances, it’s still better to save those dockets for things that you really need: like pizza and beer.
- 2. Exploring Interests
“Getting locked into any specific porn genre can get pretty boring.” The spokesperson suggests surfing around the free site to find things that you actually want to watch. “You might surprise yourself when you really start to explore your own unique fetishes” he says. Free porn sites also offer users the ability to search for thousands of video clips that can vary greatly in actors, production value, and sexual range. Amateur porn is the hobby that just keeps on giving. If you don’t like what you’re seeing, you can easily dive straight back down the rabbit hole. Making the hunt for that hidden Easter egg of tentacle midget porn that much more enjoyable.
- 3. Finding New Stars
Most porn subscriptions of paid porn sites suck you into seeing the exact same big breasted blonde, over and over again. While we’re not against big titty blondes, we’d like to think that it’s best to show some love to all kinds of budding porn stars. “Home videos and actresses that haven’t gone mainstream yet have their own juicy appeal. Being able to watch someone totally unexpected do the things that dreams are made of can break up some of the monotony.” Spankwire reminds us that once again, variety is the spice of life, so instead of dedicating all of your time to blondes with big boobs, be sure to check out the brunettes with large breasts, redheads with buoyant boobies, and even the punk girls with blue, green, and orange hair- with big boobs.
- 4. Kick the Habit
“Most people are pretty frugal with their money. It not often that you’ll pay for something, and then not use it to its full extent.” Spankwire´s spokesperson cautions that when you’re paying for porn, you’re generally enticed to watch more of it, so that you get your money’s worth. “Free porn is super easy to scroll through whenever you’re feeling a bit randy and blow off when you’re not.” So leave that compulsion on the wayside, to make room for all of your other lascivious needs. You sly dog you.
- 5. Go for the Quickie
“Free porn is great for when you don’t have a lot of time on your hands. The clips are usually short and focus more on the stuff you want to see, and less on the unconvincing back story.” We’re not arguing that there are definitely those of us that like a little back story, to really engage the imagination, but let’s get real- it’s pretty unlikely that anyone cares about a 30 minute back story on why the pizza guy is even in that neighborhood. We know what you want (mostly because that’s exactly what we want) and free porn will give it to you way quicker.
