Given that I have a job on the Internet, I like to think that I know a thing or two about writing emails to people.
Over the years I’ve received thousands of emails, some of them great, and most of them absolutely terrible beyond reason. Some (most) are asking me for something, and a few are commenting on something I’ve written, usually in the form of an angry complaint for swearing (go fuck yourselves) or making fun of this or that. Hey, it’s not my fault your product sucks.
In any case, I’ve read a lot of emails.
As it turns out, I’ve also written a lot of emails. This business is all about forming relationships with people, and that means good communication. That goes for all business, and in fact… that goes for the business of life too.
Pretty deep, right?
So here’s the #1 problem I see with all these emails I receive, be it a pitch to write about a Russian bride service, or an angry letter explaining that my opinion is wrong, and that children are actually great and one day I’ll understand and want one like everyone else because that’s what people do and THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
Right, so I just gave you a great example of the number #1 problem with emails: you don’t get to the point quickly.
People have a sub-millisecond attention span. If you don’t get to the point immediately, people are going to tune you right out. For many people, their inbox is like a fire-hose blasting them in the face with all sorts of unsavory things. If you don’t get right to it in the first sentence, your email will likely make it’s way to the trash in short order.
Here’s an example of an ineffective email:
Sup boy,
I’ve bean browsing ur site for 100 years now and luv you very much. This one time while I was traveling around the straight of Georgia, I had this fantasy about you whering this leather shop apron while playing a piano with a stack of bananas on top. Have u ever had a banana while playing the piano, because I bet you have! They’re great.
So i run this service that where we can sell hats made by violent prison people for a good price and I would like you to write about my prison hats because they’re really great and I know that we both share a pashon for bananas and music.
thanks muchly,
internet person
I read something like this and I’m instantly bored to tears. Because the email starts by blathering on about absolutely nothing in particular, I have no idea what to expect. Actually, I do… I expect it to be a waste of time. The poor spelling and grammar make that assumption concrete in my mind.
Here’s an example of an email I would prefer to receive…
Hello Chad,
I know you’re a busy man, so I’ll keep this brief. I sell hats made by violent sex offenders, and was wondering if you would be interested in checking out my wares and possibly writing about them.
If hats made by rapists and murderers sounds like something you would be interested in, let’s chat!
Warm regards,
Internet Man
Ahhhh, much better! This email was brief and to the point. I knew exactly what the person was driving at right from the start. You should strive for this in all your emails, even longer form letters to your friends. You know, the “How’s it going? I just got back from having unprotected sex with dozens of strangers at a Mexican resort” type of emails. This applies there too.
So in summary, here’s what I suggest: use as few words as needed to write your emails, and get to the point quickly. There’s nothing wrong with writing a long email (providing it’s not a cold email to a stranger,) but you should set the tone and topic early on so the recipient knows what to expect.
